My first rainbow baby turned 6 yesterday, and his birthday is always a time of huge reflection for me. .
Garrett came unexpectedly into our lives just 2 months after I had my first miscarriage, and I was still in shock and grief mode, struggling with some postpartum depression, still trying to figure out back to normal life when we learned Rett was on the way. At first I felt like I was betraying the baby I’d lost by celebrating this baby’s existence. It was all so weird and hard to process at the time. .
Garrett came during one of the hardest seasons of my life. My husband was working full time and in graduate school full time, and I struggled with my depression and morning sickness while trying to be a good mom to my two boys two and under. .
I felt overwhelmed. Lonely. Stressed. We moved to Charlotte when I was 8 months pregnant, and then this blue eyed curly haired Bubba came into my world. .
If you know me well, you know I call him “the joy of my heart”. Because that’s what he was for me. He was the joy that comes in the morning, God’s mercies renewed day by day. Garrett was such a good baby. Smiley. Happy. Adorable. And he brought so much joy and healing to my heart. .
I’m grateful for all my babies, and love them all unconditionally, but this one will always be my cherry on top. .
To paraphrase Marilla Cuthbert: “it wasn’t luck that brought him to us, it was Providence. He knew we needed him.” .
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#fridayintroductions #mybirthdayboy
#motherhood #catholicmom #catholicmomlife #christianmama #bissisterhood #projectblessed #thesemomentsofmine #countyourblessings #hugyourbabies #miscarriage #rainbowbaby
It’s that time of year when the “not enough” mantras start inside my head. Not qualified enough to homeschool four kids. Not strong enough to mother a fifth baby. Not patient enough to be a stay at home mom. Not organized enough to keep my family running on routine and schedule. Not brave enough lead a team and run my own business.
Etc. Etc. Etc.... .
If there’s one thing I need to remind myself the week before school starts, the “New Year” of Mom life, it’s that I am enough because God made me enough. God provides for me enough. God equips me enough. God puts the right people in my life for enough. God gives me courage and energy and grace and skills for just enough to be what I need to be for my tribe, to follow the dreams he’s put in my heart, and to bless the people he’s placed in my life. .
Joan of Arc is known for her courage not because she was a little French girl with no fear, but because she was scared and did it anyway, because she knew who she was, whose she was, and who fought for her. .
It’s time to adjust our internal narrative Mamas. We too were born to do this. .
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#newschoolyear2019 #catholicmom #catholicmotherhood #christianmama #charlottemoms #momlife #momthoughts #projectblessed #bissisterhood #catholicsofinstagram #liturgicalliving #catholicconvert #catholicfamily #catholiccreatives
This week with these Cuties has been really really hard. It was our first week all back together after a month of vacation Bible school and swim camps. And it felt like someone was always fighting, complaining, or yelling (often me on that last part 🙈). .
I’m ashamed to admit how many times I’ve told my husband that I am just D-O-N-E with motherhood this week. Poor guy. 😆 .
Towards the end of this week we got news from friends that their little one is undergoing tests for an incurable, terminal illness. My heart literally went through the floor and I’ve had trouble thinking of anything else since. .
And all of a sudden I have the most intense clarity on the reality of my life: each crazy moment with my gang, no matter how hard, chaotic, overwhelming and yes even unpleasant, is pure GIFT. I wouldn’t trade a second of it even if I could. I need to remember that I only have right now with them. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. .
If it was a hard week at your house too, I hope some wine and Nutella is in your immediate future. And hug your babies. Hug them really close tonight. ❤️ .
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#motherhood #catholicmom #catholicmomlife #christianmama #bissisterhood #projectblessed #thesemomentsofmine #countyourblessings #hugyourbabies
I used to feel dread and sometimes shame each August during #worldbreastfeedingweek.
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Because the thorn in my heart is the reality that I haven’t been able to breastfeed any of my babies - at least not more than a trickle, which is all my body has ever produced. .
It’s really hard for me to be a mom and know my body isn’t able to give my baby the best kind of nutrition, the way it’s supposed to. It makes me feel broken, not enough, less than. And while I’ve received myriads of advice and opinions and sometimes judgement on this topic, it’s not what others think that’s been so hard on my motherhood: it’s the damage I‘ve done to myself. It’s the self loathing, the negative self talk, the unhealthy narrative I’ve let roll around my head as with each baby I’ve had to come to that place of admitting this just wasn’t working no matter what, and my baby needs to be fed more than anything else.
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I’m not sure why we do such guilt-ridden things to ourselves, Mamas, and I’m certainly not proud of how I’ve reacted to this cross over the years. But here’s what I want to say this week: ▪️Breastfeeding is hard and good and wonderful and I’m so grateful for all the moms who share their stories and post their pictures and rally other women, this week and all the time. The world needs your courage and your tenacity and your story! ▪️If this week of scrolling through happy baby and boobs pictures has stung a bit even when you don’t mean to let it, Girl - I feel you. And I want you to know that you are the BEST MOM God could possibly have given your child. I want you to know that before the foundation of the world God picked YOU to mother your specific little one and he picked YOU knowing exactly what your feeding story was going to be. YOU are a wonderful mom - an amazing mom - and whatever your story is with breastfeeding, it doesn’t change that one bit. ▪️Find someone to love you through your baby feeding story. Just love you where you’re at. ▪️This book was the most helpful one I’ve read on this topic, and the reason my babies got at least a tiny bit of nutrients out of me. 😉
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I love you all. Thank you for sharing your stories, and for honoring mine. 💗
Last week my pastor preached a sermon that has been on my mind ever since. He was talking about prayer and the importance of a deep, intimate prayer discipline in the life of a Christian. He said, “You know, God is so SO generous. And when he answers our prayers, and he always does, he takes into account not only what we need and want right now, but he weighs his answer in terms of what benefits our whole life the most, including our souls, our sanctification, and our path to Heaven. And sometimes when it seems like God isn’t answering the way we want him to, it’s because he knows and loves us best, and knows what’s best for us in the full picture of our happiness in this life AND our happiness in the life to come.” .
I thought that was such a powerful reminder, especially when we go through the harder stuff in life and wish God would just take it all away. He’s SO GENEROUS in giving us not only what we need now, but what we need for the long haul journey we’re on towards perfect union with him. ❤️ .
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#sermoninasentence #catholicmom #christianmama #godisgenerous #godsgenerosity #catholicmomthoughts #bissisterhood #blessedisshe #catholiclife #answeredprayer #catholicprayerlife #whengoddoesntansweryourprayer
#catholicsofinstagram #liturgicalliving #projectblesssd #heisstillgood #butifnot
|the good list| Lots of kicks and jabs in the ribs and stunning garden tomatoes. Two things I’ve been grateful to be growing this summer. 🍅👶❤️ .
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#thegoodlist #saturdayvibes
